And I thought phone calls were a hassle... I spent an hour on the phone this morning, calling all over to make sure I had everything I possibly could covered at that point covered. Every phone call made me feel a little bit more in control of this incredibly fucked up situation. I was starting to feel like this might actually be accomplished...Because so much of my necessary documentation seems to only be issuable before 3pm, Monday through Friday, I had to skip the first half of my class today (I had permission AND a presentation today) to drive all over creation and try to accomplish some of this utter bull shit that I must go through to get married, just because I am not Brasilian....

From what I determined in my plethora of phone calls, was that I need to have everything notarized and stamped a million times (I know, exaggeration...). How I will do this is another matter...

I left directly from teaching to go to the USDA office and have them stamp and sign my health certificates for the kitties. I had made an appointment last week to come in at 2:30pm to do this, but I thought being a little early couldn't hurt. Probably a good thing, since I had a hard time finding the office as I was looking at the wrong sheet of scribbled notes and didn't have the directions with me. I still got there earlier than I needed to be. After some brief discussion with the woman at the desk, we discovered that some how I had not gotten all of the documents necessary - there needed to be a separate Rabies certificate along with the health certificate, and I didn't have that! So, we called my new vet, who informed me that they cannot issue it because they did not vaccinate the cat; I had to call my old vet on the other side of the city and have them issue it. So, while on the phone with them, and getting talked two by two different people in the office of the USDA, I am informed that Rabies certificates are not issued for cats, only for dogs, but that they can print out something official for me to pick up.

Driving for 20 minutes, belting out Marisa Monte in my car, and I arrive at the old vet to find they have printed out some records and highlighted the necessary information. I asked them if this was suitable for sending to the consulate, and they said it was as official as it got, so I took it and drove back across town to the USDA and presented them with the printouts. They were totally mystified as to why I had brought them this crap that could have been printed by anyone and didn't even have the name of the vet who had vaccinated the cats on it. The state vet finally decides to notarize and sign the document, explaining to me how he was trying to make it look more valid, for which I was incredibly grateful. The woman at the USDA desk tells me I should go back and get different documents and get them stamped because there is infact a certificate for cats in this state. I got the stamps, signatures, and left there a little over an hour after which I had first arrived, in exchange for $48. It was now 3:30.

The next thing on my list was to go get finger printed, since I needed my criminal record. This can only be done by certain police stations and apparently only at 3pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. But, I had called the police station this morning to ask if it might be alright if I arrived late, since I didn't know how long I needed to be at the USDA (lucky for me that I had gotten there early, or I would have still been there at that point), and they had told me that it went from 3pm-4pm. So, like a bat out of hell ( I love cliches), I sped to the police station (I think there is some irony here) and rushed into an almost totally empty office. I told the nice police man that I needed my finger prints taken for immigration/emigration, to which he replied "we do that at 3pm." I was about to loose it, and just stated that I had tried to get there ontime, but it had not been possible. Amazingly enough, he actually told me to sit down and he would get someone with me soon. Amazing, because I expected these guys to be total assholes.

So they took me back, finger printed me like a common criminal, and then released me to the real world again, smelling like cheap antibacterial wipes and with slightly greyer fingers, with my new finger print card. Hooray, so now what the fuck am I supposed to do with it? I hadn't a clue, but I hoped to have it notarized or something there, so I asked, but no such luck... At least this service was free...

Next I asked if I could get my criminal record (or rather the nonexistence of one), since I seemed to remember someone telling me I needed it, so the nice policeman sent me to another police branch office on the other end of the complex. I wandered in there, not knowing really why I was there, but assuming that my criminal record might be interesting to look at, so what the hell... First thing they asked for was my finger prints - how convenient I had just had them done! So I gave them the inked up card, wrote them a check for $31, and went on my merry way. So my nonexsistent criminal record will arrive in two weeks, I hope. It was now 4:10.

Back into the car, rush rush rush, to campus, just in time for the break during my class, and just in time to give a killer presentation, I think...

After class, I jump back into my car and drive back out to my old vet to request the correct documents, which they provide (now, but 3 hours earlier, where were they?), and sign the ones I already have collected and paid to have stamped. The vet seems very annoyed that I for some reason didn't know that they were giving me the wrong documents earlier that day and that I had to waste their precious five minutes asking them extra questions (God knows I don't want to make a THIRD trip out there in two days).

So now, tomorrow, after I finish at the radio station, I will go back to the USDA office a THIRD time and have them sign and notarize the new, more correct documents, probably for another $48....

Why am I doing this again? For love right....?