quinta-feira, maio 29, 2008

Warning to my conservative readers - there are naughty words in this post. Also, children should not be present for viewing of the video if English is their native language.

Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to my water bike class. It's at an academy near by our house and everyone goes there - my husband, Ju, and me - a various times during the week. We have a good relationship with all the teachers and the owner and it's been a great experience going there.

I need music to exercise - like most people. My usual water bike teacher downloads things online and brings mix CDs to play during our classes. She even went so far as to find cool down stretching music to play at the end. She has really been going all out.

Today was an exceptionally hard work out with bike, abs with leg weights on, and trampoline in cycles. In the middle of the class, right about the time I started my second abs set, a new song began to play that I had never heard before and I began to laugh so hard that I was unable to do very much. The main lyrics of this song consisted of something along the following:

I wanna lick your pussy
Put your pussy next to mine
my pussy likes a big hunk of meat in it

Then it changed:

You wanna suck my dick
I wanna lick your pussy
I wanna fuck your pussy

Mind you, as this is playing, blasting across the pool, there are numerous 7-14 year olds in various states of swimming or listening to teachers, parents, nannies, all sitting there listening to this song. I asked the teacher if she had any idea what was being sung in the song, which of course she didn't. I told her to ask my husband to translate it for her the next time he went to swim, because I just did not have sufficient slang Portuguese to do it justice.

This video about sums it up.

quinta-feira, maio 22, 2008

Ju independence story number one:

About a week ago, I was chatting with my mom at Ju's request on the webcam. He enjoys seeing himself on camera and likes to show "gamma" things in the general vicinity, like toy cars, beads and sippy cups. For some reason (which we can speculate was that he wanted my undivided attention) he decided to take a whole mouth full of water and spit it onto the laptop.

Having a friend who is now on laptop # 3 due to similar accidents (that she was at fault for, having no kids to blame it on, although she has cats), I was quite concerned that this might completely fry my laptop and put Ju in time out on the couch while I tried to dry between the keys with a paper towel. By some stroke of luck, I did not have it actually plugged into the wall at the time, so there seemed to be no immediate danger. Ju began to cry sitting on the couch because he knew I was upset with him. I was mean while trying to talk to my mom about how best to deal with the problem but I could not hear what she was say and was afraid to type on the wet keyboard, lest I force some of the water through into the circuitry. I told Ju if he was going to cry, he would have to do it in his room upstairs, and took him up there and set him on the bed to continue his time out.

Back downstairs, I found I could pry some of the keys off and started drying up the water that remained. Ju continued to cry for another 10 minutes or so. After he had calmed himself, he came to the top of the stairs and called down "Mommy, I'm not crying anymore. I'm all done" and came back down. Still feeling angry at him, I ignored him and continued cleaning the computer. After a while he started asking me to put on Bob the Builder and when I told him that he was still in time out until I was finished drying the computer, he started to cry again. I ignored his crying and next thing I knew, he had gone back up to his room to finish his crying again, and then reappeared when he was finished. I didn't have to tell him anything.

The laptop survived okay, it seems, at least (knock on wood) there was no damage.

Second Ju independence story:

Weekends are for the family, parent's quality time being after Ju goes to bed. Late one night, as we were discussing our plans for the evening with Ju playing quietly in the living room, my husband mentioned he wanted to watch "the penguin movie" in reference to "March of the Penguins" which he hadn't seen. Ju has his own "penguin movie" ("Happy Feet") which he enjoys watching from time to time.

Unobserved by us in the kitchen, Ju proceeded to get his DVD case out, take out his Happy Feet DVD and jam it into the VCR. I think when nothing happened, he realized his error and started trying to get it back out. This resulted in both the DVD and his finger getting stuck inside and by the time I was able to get both out, he was quite freaked out and the DVD had a long scratch that now prevents you from watching beyond the first 40 minutes of the movie.

I have had this conversation with my husband before - that I would prefer Ju to know how to use things like the DVD player and the stereo to that if he decides to try to do things himself, he won't hurt himself. This argument was lost when he broke the last DVD player we had and almost got two tapes stuck in the VCR at the same time, so when we got a new DVD player, I never bothered to show him how to use it, not wanting to be blamed if he broke it. Now, at least, I think I have proved my point that he should be taught how to do things like this, if for nothing else than to prevent fingers from getting stuck in places they should not be. After he got over his fear of being stuck and fear of being reprimanded for "breaking" his DVD, I showed him which buttons to push. As of today, he's still afraid to do it on his own, but he is happy watching March of the Penguins instead of Happy Feet. He says he likes the music.

quinta-feira, maio 15, 2008

"Papai, mamãe did a bagunça all over!" (Daddy, mommy did a mess all over)

"É, isso mesmo. Espero que você não seja igual mamãe." (Yes, that's right. I hope you don't turn out like mommy)

domingo, maio 11, 2008

Oh, and I forgot to add - Turkey, Cookies, and Chocolate sound like the same word in Ju speak. Had a hard time figuring out what he wanted to eat for breakfast this morning.
I'm sure I've said this somewhere along the way already, but living in Salvador is a little like living in a giant college town. People drink and drive all over the place, there is a constant party atmosphere, and even in the middle of a family residential area, there may be a party that lasts until the sunrise with no apparent regard for others sleeping or consideration for the general population outside the house where the party happens.

Last night, or rather, this morning, there was a small party (like of 6 or 8 people) at a house across the street here. Not only was it loud and took place mostly on the upper veranda area so the sound carried over the entire neighborhood, but at about 4 AM they decided to step it up a bit and turned up some Justin Timberlake full blast and scream at each other over it as one guy danced drunkly. This neighborhood is completely silent at night for the most part - we don't even have much traffic noise and the bars on the corner are not loud or rowdy, so this sudden burst of song was enough to get me out of bed and glaring at the partiers across the street. And I know they can see directly into my bedroom, as they can see everyone's in our condo. I'm almost positive that they woke up at least half of the residents this morning. It makes me want to light bottle rockets aimed at them to scare the crap out of them. Or get my stereo going full blast and point it at their veranda now, to blast them out of bed with their hang overs. But of course, I am more considerate than that. And I only want to annoy them, not my neighbors.

Happy Mother's Day!

quarta-feira, maio 07, 2008

Actual conversation this afternoon -

Ju - "Mommy, I wanna piranya." (referring to the hair clip)

Me - "Okay honey, you can play with one."

Ju - "Mommy, I wanna see a enwins."

Me - "The what?"

Ju - "I wanna see a enwins, in there." (pointing to the closet area)

Me - "You wanna see an engine? I don't think there is an engine in there."

Ju - "No, a enwins. There's enwints in there. I wanna see."

Me - "Ants? There are ants in there? I don't see any ants."

Ju - "No, a enwints. In there! The enwints. Enwings! I wanna see!"

Me - "Ju, I can't figure out what you are talking about. I don't see an engine and I don't see ants."

Ju - "Enwings! Enwingts! Da ... eawings. eawings!"

Me - "Oh! You want to see the earings in the box? Okay, now I understand..."

sábado, maio 03, 2008

Ju is now 3 years old. Time just flies by, doesn't it? We had our normal big hoorah on Thursday - a feiJUada. About 50 people came with kids of various ages. There was feijoada, salad, rice, kibe, pao delicia, brigadeiro, bonbons, etc. I spent some 3 hours putting up my home made train decorations (I spent an entire Sunday making engines and cars that had 3 and Ju all over them out of paper and colored puffy paint) all over the walls and by the pool, blowing up balloons and making the quebra-pot. Part of the simple beauty of the decorations included strips of crepe paper in purple and blue. They blew in the wind in a relaxing way and made the whole area look very festive. As an after thought, we added pieces of it to the backs of the chairs as well.

About an hour into the party, a sudden cloud passed over and it rained all over us for about 5 minutes. The kids were all playing train by crawling through several boxes taped together and they stayed inside the "tunnel" for protection for the duration. I didn't think much of it as it was happening, but as the minute passed, I noticed that the color from the crepe paper was running down freshly painted white walls all around us. At first I laughed until the possibility that the dye might STAY there was mentioned and then I promptly began worrying about the cost of having to repaint the entire outside walls of the condo. This basically dominated my thoughts for the remainder of the party as I followed Ju around, cleaning up trash as I found it and trying to keep Ju's toys from being lost in the condo as our living room was invaded by the party and the kids discovered them and consequently began wandering around outside with them. A kid I don't even know but who came with one of the kids we invited wandered around and had torn down almost all the decorations before I saw what was going on. No adults stepped in to stop him, of course. This made me incredibly sad.

At about sunset, I couldn't stand it any longer, found someone else to keep an eye on Ju and started looking for ways to remove the dye on the walls. I quickly discovered that there was no Veja or bleach or even Q-Boa in the house (how did that happen?), so I took out a bucket and dish soap and a dish scrubbing sponge and a bit of water and started scrubbing away. Surprisingly, the dye did actually begin to come off with a lot of effort, and I was quite relieved. Someone came by and said something to the effect of "good thing you're doing it now, if you left it longer it might not come off" - which unfortunately killed my plans to quit until the party was actually over, so I kept on scrubbing. I was soon joined by the nanny of one of Ju's friends and my nanny's sister and my friend the Lion who was nice enough to bring me a Guiness but I had not been able to stop and enjoy it with him. We continued to scrub our way across the wall for about 2 hours, and with the help of some borrowed Veja someone got from another household and some steal wool (which I think actually took a lot of the paint off the wall along with the dye), we managed to get most of the marks off the walls. At least it seemed that way in the dark, and I actually haven't had the heart to go out there and see if it's really gone in the daylight. After the walls were done, we had to do the chairs as well.

This entire process meant that I didn't socialize AT ALL, for the entire party. It seemed like every time I started talking to someone, Ju would wander off, or someone else would show up and need to be greeted, or someone else's kid would be trying to throw more of Ju's toys into the pool (where do these parents get off to when the kids are invading someone's house I wonder). At least Ju had a good time. The party only really got fun for me when most of the guests had left and the remaining few and their kids all crowded into our living room to watch Woody Woodpecker and play in a more controlled manner. Some of the people I love the most were those who stayed, so it was nice to have their company and relax at the end of the evening (the older kids even helped Ju finish opening his presents, which was fun for everyone).

Things I learned from this birthday -

NO crepe paper on the walls, no matter how pretty it looks - it has ALWAYS rained on Ju's birthday, every year.

Purple crepe paper dye is easier to scrub off than blue (which leaves behind a pinkish tinge) and black.

Do not leave the house open, as it is next to the pool, the party will inevitabley spill into it if I don't lock the door.

Hide all toys and objects that I don't want to wander around with kids.

Don't expect parents to keep an eye on their kids or ask them to not do things like tear down my sweat and tears hand made decorations. Or better yet, don't hang them low enough for kids to reach.

Since eventually the majority of the party goers were in or around the pool, concentrate things in that area next year to save time and clean up area.

Don't stress about not getting to talk to many people because I think I am just not meant to socialize until Ju is older. How much older, who knows.

The sad thing is, many of these things I should have learned last year. This year was supposed to be easier. About the only thing that was easier was the setting up the decorations.